Beware the Happiness Trap: What If Everything You Believe About Happiness Is Wrong?
We live in a world obsessed with being happy. Just scroll through social media or watch the next lifestyle vlog, and you’ll be flooded with messages urging you to live your best life, chase your dreams, and think positively. But here’s the real question: is true happiness actually a constant state that anyone can achieve?
Let’s be honest – if you get to touch happiness, even briefly, you’re doing well. The idea of permanent happiness is a moving target. Our goals shift, life throws us curveballs, and emotions come and go. Instead of pursuing constant happiness, maybe it’s more realistic (and healthy) to focus on building a satisfying life, one grounded in purpose, self-compassion, and mental resilience.
The Myth of Everlasting Joy
The wellness industry loves to sell us the idea that happiness is just one habit, diet, or yoga pose away. But real life isn’t a highlight reel. Being sad, frustrated, or uncertain is part of the human experience. And here’s the truth: beating yourself up because you don’t feel happy all the time will only make things worse.
Instead, research shows that doing good for others – being kind, giving back, showing compassion—actually improves your own wellbeing. It turns out that happiness may be a by-product of how we live, not a destination to be reached.
What the Experts Say
Dr. Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, explores how our pursuit of happiness can often make us miserable. In conversation with wellbeing advocate Anna Box, they unpack why it’s time to stop chasing happiness and start embracing the full spectrum of life.
Their insights lay the foundation for what Harris calls “psychological flexibility” – the ability to stay present, adapt to change, and act in alignment with your values, even in the face of discomfort.
Five Common Happiness Myths 🧠💭
“There’s something wrong with me if I’m not happy all the time.” 😕
Absolutely not. Nobody is happy all the time. True wellbeing is more about inner peace 😌 and psychological resilience 💪 than constant joy. Feeling good all the time is not only unrealistic, it’s unhealthy to expect.“If I have (or aim to get) lots of money, I will be happy.” 💸
Once basic needs are met, more money has a surprisingly small effect on happiness. A landmark Princeton study 📊 in 2010 found that emotional wellbeing plateaued beyond an income of $75,000. More recently, Gen Z workers have shown they’d rather earn less and work for value-aligned, mentally healthy organisations 💼🧠 than chase big paychecks.“When I find true love, then I will be happy.” 💘
Romantic love can be wonderful, but it’s no cure-all. In fact, love can be a source of both joy and pain 💔. The real game-changer? Cultivating self-compassion 💖 and emotional independence. It builds resilience and helps you maintain a sense of wellbeing regardless of your relationship status.“If I have a fulfilled life, then I will never be unhappy.” 🌈
Fulfilment doesn’t shield you from pain. Life is fluid 🌊, and so are your needs and values. You’ll experience losses, transitions, and setbacks – and that’s normal. Building mental toughness (often referred to as the ‘Penicillin of people development’) 🧬 helps you respond to challenges with greater flexibility and calm 🧘.“When life is normal again, then I can be happy again.” 🔁
Newsflash: there is no “normal” to return to. The world is evolving 🌍, and so are we. Waiting for circumstances to be perfect before allowing yourself to be happy is a trap 🚫. Happiness isn’t out there in the future; it can be cultivated in the here and now through gratitude 🙏, mindfulness 🧘♂️, and accepting what is.
So What Now?
Maybe it’s time to stop chasing happiness like a goal and start building a mentally fit life. This means getting comfortable with all emotions – not just the pleasant ones – and aligning your actions with your deepest values.
If you’re interested in exploring how to live with greater mental clarity and flexibility, we highly recommend checking out the work of Dr. Russ Harris and the practice of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). It’s not about controlling your thoughts or eliminating unpleasant feelings; it’s about learning how to live fully and meaningfully.
Related Reading from Get Mentally Fit
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